Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I have been thinking about this post for a long time without writing it. But I want to write it to share my thoughts about Daniel and some of the things we have been going through with him. Recently he was diagnosed with ADHD. Nothing life threatening for which we are grateful and in some ways the diagnosis is a blessing. I have always believed that ADD and ADHD were way over prescribed. But I never understood how disruptive it can be to a family and to a child.
Daniel has always been a loving and a happy child. Happy until we moved from VA to UT. Saying goodbye to Daddy, Aunt April, all his friends and familiar places was really hard on him. He enjoyed his time in UT but Lois and I were treated to a whole new Daniel while there, and he's never really gone back to the way he was. We were suddenly confronting major tantrums that would last forever! (Okay maybe it was only an hour or two but it was way too long.) He hates change and is supremely stubborn (Wonder where he got that from?:-) I literally would spend all day putting him back in time out. No reward or punishment system seemed to work for him at all. He has a hard time focusing on things, for a time he withdrew and it was starting to be hard to draw him out of himself. Potty training was a constant headache, and sensory issues have become a problem. There may possibly be other issues as well but for now we are working on the ADHD with medication and with play therapy.
From the first week the medication has helped. No more accidents with potty training, because he could concentrate enough to remember. While he still has emotional breakdowns (including a doosey today), I can reason with him better and bring him out of it much faster. Several days at the end of the day I looked at him and said "I'm so happy I get to be your Mom." Play therapy has been a gift from heaven. He LOVES going to play with "Miss Val" and is much better after playing with her for the rest of the day. She has helped me to come up with coping mechanisms to help teach him (and for me) that have helped a lot.
We have also had him tested with his speech. We've been concerned about it for awhile and I previously had him in speech therapy but the speech pathologist didn't seem to think he really needed it. This time the first tester caught on right away. He can say most of the sounds but when he says more than one or two words they all get jumbled. It's so bad that they have to reteach him how to speak. So he's now attending a "conversation classroom" twice a week. Everything they do is supposed to have something to do with conversing. We just started this week so we have yet to see how things will go with that.
What I really wanted to write about in this post though is how you grieve for the loss of your "perfect child". That grief is real. Even if the idea of your perfect child never was. All children have their issues at some time of their life I think and I've come to realize no matter the issues you face with a child that those issues aren't the child. When he's screaming and falling apart it's hard to remember that sometimes. My sweet lovable Daniel is still there, but he has to deal with some issues that are hard for him too. Several years ago I learned a truth that applies to Daniel too. I was mad at God at the time for placing a certain trial in my life for me to deal with. I was asking why do I have to deal with this? The thought came to me that I wasn't being punished. God loved me. I had chosen before I was born to take this burden on as I knew that it would help me grow. I firmly believe that before we came to earth we knew what our lives would be like and that we chose to come to earth with many of the trials we have now. You are born with things like ADHD, cancer, genetic diseases, no one did anything wrong. We decided to come to earth and be parents of Daniel who would have ADHD and that that was a trial we decided to take on because we knew it would help us grow. Daniel chose to come to earth with this particular trial. What we have to learn from that we have yet to learn.
No matter what, my sweet lovable Daniel is still there with his amazing laugh, his love of life and learning. I am grateful for the little man who both challenges me and brings me joy.


  1. Squeeze that sweet little man for me. Love to you all.

  2. I do know how you feel about grieving for the loss of what 'we' as parents want for our children and when your told your child is not 'typical' you do grieve for that and it's a normal reaction. These wonderful children truly come to us to help us learn and grow into a better us. My mantra has been to 'Keep Calm and Carry On,' that and my Faith in God and Christ have helped me through the challenges Andrew's autism has given me.